Real People Suffering Too

The chairman of Barclays has apologised to shareholders for the fact that the value of shares can go down as well as up.

Marcus Agius told a packed AGM that the Barclays board felt "sincere regret" for the hardship which can result from an uncontrolled, societally endorsed gambling habit.

The price of shares in Barclays has dropped to one ninth of their value a year ago, causing many shareholders to question the probity of a chairman and board who failed to inform them that unregulated profiteering and the spending of fictitious money might one day have undesirable consequences.

The chief executive, John Varley, said that Barclays was determined to display "responsible corporate citizenship" with a rapid return to traditional usury and bailiff opportunification strategies.

"We must behave constructively to help our customers and clients as they cope with the economic downturn," Varley said.

The Government is likely to be pleased by the promise that Barclays will continue to lend money at a profit to people who may have difficulty paying it back because of the recession Barclays has helped to cause.

Shareholders are also angry because Barclays cancelled its final dividend for last year, causing an unprecedented humanitarian catastrophe as millions of speculators moved into cardboard boxes and sent their children out to beg.