Keeping Mum

The sixteenth Daddy Goodspeak has ordered his former colleagues in the rebranded Holy Office of the Inquisition to draw up new rules for the purpose of distinguishing between true and false claims of visions of Jesus and the Virgin. According to one online source, only those visionaries will be believed who hide their light under a bushel, since the last thing anyone should do with a message from the Saviour or his mother is broadcast it. Those who do not court publicity will be given a psychiatric assessment "while theologians will assess the content of any heavenly messages to see if they contravene Church teachings"; it is not clear whether, in the case of a credible apparition that did contravene Church teachings, the Saviour or the Virgin would be given an opportunity to repent before being excommunicated.