A Scottish Play
Mechanical Tragedy in Five Indecisive Acts
ACT I
Dusk. A hard-working British road. Enter RABBIT, stage right. A ten-year wait and then he speaketh.
RABBIT
Coming from ordinary families as we do and have done, we know what it is like when people go to the supermarket and find that the price of milk, and the price of bread, and the price of eggs have gone up dramatically in recent months. We will see in housing and in gas and electricity bills and in energy, us doing more to help the hard-working families of this country.
CAR (off)
Vroom!
ACT II
The same. Gathering darkness.
RABBIT
We know that our role when facing global economic challenges is to be on the side of hard-working families, on the side of the people of Britain. We are determined to continuously take appropriate actions, individually and collectively, to ensure growth and stability in our economies and globally.
CAR (off)
Vroom vroom!
ACT III
The same. Full dark, rain and distant thunder.
RABBIT
Of course, helping relatives is a challenge that most families rise to – however difficult it becomes. But that doesn't make it any easier. Nor does it remove family worries about providing physical care that is needed – or take away people's concerns that, at some point in the future, they may have to sell a treasured home to pay for their own care.
CAR (off)
Vroom vroom vroom!
ACT IV
The same. Full dark, rain, thunder and lightning. Alarums.
RABBIT
Not short-term gimmicks, or giveaways, but firm steps towards making every home in Britain more energy efficient, thus reducing bills not just temporarily, but permanently. You cannot address a long-term problem - the supply and demand for oil - with a short-term gimmick.
CAR (off)
Vroom vroom! Vroom vroom!
ACT V
The same. Full dark, rain, thunder and lightning. Hail and carcinogenic ultra-violet rays. Alarums, church bells, air-raid sirens and emergency klaxons at the local nuclear facility.
RABBIT
We will ensure that no one who is prepared to work hard and adapt to change will lose out as a result of global forces.
Enter CAR with headlights blazing.
CAR (crescendo)
Vroom vroom! Vroooooooooooooo-
RABBIT
Splat!
CAR (diminuendo)
-oooooooooooooooooom!
Curtain.
ACT I
Dusk. A hard-working British road. Enter RABBIT, stage right. A ten-year wait and then he speaketh.
RABBIT
Coming from ordinary families as we do and have done, we know what it is like when people go to the supermarket and find that the price of milk, and the price of bread, and the price of eggs have gone up dramatically in recent months. We will see in housing and in gas and electricity bills and in energy, us doing more to help the hard-working families of this country.
CAR (off)
Vroom!
ACT II
The same. Gathering darkness.
RABBIT
We know that our role when facing global economic challenges is to be on the side of hard-working families, on the side of the people of Britain. We are determined to continuously take appropriate actions, individually and collectively, to ensure growth and stability in our economies and globally.
CAR (off)
Vroom vroom!
ACT III
The same. Full dark, rain and distant thunder.
RABBIT
Of course, helping relatives is a challenge that most families rise to – however difficult it becomes. But that doesn't make it any easier. Nor does it remove family worries about providing physical care that is needed – or take away people's concerns that, at some point in the future, they may have to sell a treasured home to pay for their own care.
CAR (off)
Vroom vroom vroom!
ACT IV
The same. Full dark, rain, thunder and lightning. Alarums.
RABBIT
Not short-term gimmicks, or giveaways, but firm steps towards making every home in Britain more energy efficient, thus reducing bills not just temporarily, but permanently. You cannot address a long-term problem - the supply and demand for oil - with a short-term gimmick.
CAR (off)
Vroom vroom! Vroom vroom!
ACT V
The same. Full dark, rain, thunder and lightning. Hail and carcinogenic ultra-violet rays. Alarums, church bells, air-raid sirens and emergency klaxons at the local nuclear facility.
RABBIT
We will ensure that no one who is prepared to work hard and adapt to change will lose out as a result of global forces.
Enter CAR with headlights blazing.
CAR (crescendo)
Vroom vroom! Vroooooooooooooo-
RABBIT
Splat!
CAR (diminuendo)
-oooooooooooooooooom!
Curtain.
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