For Your Safety and Security

Private sector efficiency has struck again with the loss of a computer disk drive containing the personal details of five thousand prison officers. The disk drive was last seen about fourteen months ago, and its loss was reported to the prison service only a year after that. The prison service has taken until lunchtime today to inform the Ministry of Incarceration and Deportation, at least according to the empty suit that runs it. Unlike prisoners and benefit claimants, prison officers are very nearly real human beings; so the empty suit is taking the matter "extremely seriously" and has ordered another full and urgent whitewash.

The chair of the Prison Officers' Association claimed optimistically that the security breach "could ultimately cost the taxpayer millions and millions of pounds, because, if the information lost is personal and sensitive, it may well mean staff having to move prisons, move homes and relocate their families. This obviously will have a significant cost to the taxpayer", unless the Government decides that prison officers might be more efficiently occupied doing the relocation at their own expense.

The records were lost by the computing firm EDS, whose share dividends and executive bonuses are unlikely to be affected. EDS also provides IT services for the Department of Work and Pensions and the Ministry of Defence. Now there's a comforting thought.