Two for the Price of One

The necessity and nobility of any upcoming military attack on Iran have been gifted with enhanced prodigality by the revelation that any such crusade would not only be another glorious chapter in the War Against Terror, but would also be another glorious chapter in the War On Drugs. The Allies, led by the glorious Royal Navy, have intercepted more than eight hundred million pounds worth of smuggled narcotics from "a small number of Iranian ports"; but Tehran "strenuously denies being involved". If any illegal drugs were being smuggled through British or American ports, you wouldn't find that sort of sinister, treacherous evasiveness in London or Washington, no indeed. "The scourge of illegal drugs," said the Commander of the Royal Navy in the Gulf, quoting any number of glorious 1950s public information films, "is one of the gravest threats to the long-term security of Afghanistan". And just when everything was going so well there, too. The Commander continued: "By seizing these drugs we have dealt a significant blow to the illegal trade. News of these successes has been kept quiet for operational reasons"; perhaps so that they could be revealed "amid growing fears of an attack on Iran by the US or Israel" and ensure that we would be duly awarenessed of the necessity and nobility of any such attack.