Men in Black

Cardinal Cormac Murphy O'Connor was heaping coals at Lambeth yesterday, having dropped in to make his own inimitable contribution to the cosmic debate over whether anyone other than a heterosexual male should be permitted to wear the bishop's frock. "Our church takes no pleasure at all to see the current strains in your communion", O'Connor said, in case there had been doubts. "We have committed ourselves to a journey towards unity, so new tensions only slow the progress." The Vatican has hitherto condoned homosexuality in the priesthood only when one partner is under-age and non-consenting.

The Lambeth mumblers are doing their bit for unity by proposing "an Anglican version of the Holy Office". The Vatican's Holy Office is formally known as the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, and was formerly known as the Inquisition. Thanks to the rise of militant secularism, humanist relativism and other evils, it is unlikely that the Anglican Inquisition will be permitted the use of the strappado, the screws or the stake, though the image of burning faggots may well appeal to some. The Archbishop of Canterbury has so far descended to the vernacular as to describe the proposal as "a flag raised to see who salutes it"; although given that there is also "quite a head of steam behind [it]", the flag may well end up too waterlogged to do much more than drip on those beneath. According to the Archbishop, there is "a strong feeling we need another structure that would be a clearing house for some of these issues"; though since the church appears incapable of deciding what its doctrine on some of these issues actually is, the Anglican Inquisition may well have its work cut out trying to impress them on the weak and backsliding.