Made it, Ma, Top of the World

A possible explanation for the inadequacy of British troops' equipment has emerged with the revelation that the good stuff is being sold to corrupt, repressive Islamic states. Digby Jones, the Minister of Profiteering, was ecstatic: "As demonstrated by this outstanding export performance, the UK has a first-class defence industry, with some of the world's most technologically sophisticated companies," he said. The guidelines covering arms sales, which dealers have been sniggering over since 1997, specify that sales should not be approved if they "risk contributing to internal oppression, external aggression, or regional tensions"; fortunately, Britain's place at the top of the arms sales league last year came about mainly thanks to a contract with Saudi Arabia called Salam, which is an Arabic corruption of the Zionist word Shalom, meaning peace. However, as with most of what remains of British industry, and despite the Government's zeal in curbing the anti-market activities of the Serious Fraud Office, last year's favourable performance is likely to be no more than a blip, since the figures "represent orders and not actual deliveries of equipment".