Under Fire

The fact that Iraq is now safe enough for the poor in Britishness has induced the Minister for War and the Colonies Including Scotland to postpone any cuts in troop numbers, at least until the next general election is unavoidably close. It is, according to the Minister, "absolutely right that military commanders review plans when conditions on the ground change", unless the reviewed plans have the bad manners to appear politically inexpedient. Contrary to New New Labour policy in the ministries of justice, education, health, the environment and, naturally, transport, there is a "clear direction of travel" at the Ministry of War, which is to reduce the British commitment except when the British commitment is not to be reduced. The Conservative spokesman for manly pursuits, Liam Fox, criticised the Government for expecting troops to "mop up" after the natives rather than the Americans while having no say in what operations were being planned, and urged us all to "spare a thought" for the families of those whose lives are at risk because of certain policies which Her Majesty's Opposition failed to oppose. His leader, Daveybloke, showed almost equal courage and compassion, blathering to Sky News that this particular broken promise would be "a matter of regret", but that, all things considered, "it wouldn't be right for me to rush to judgement".