The God, the Bland and the Ugly

The economic missionary to the Palestinian infidels, formerly known as the Vicar of Downing Street, has finally converted to Catholicism. No doubt the Universal Church's robust attitude to dissent appealed to him, as well as its long and famous traditions of simony (or cash for honours), crusading (or killing Middle Easteners) and being at least as rich as a Bee Gee or two.

The Society for the Protection of Nonexistent Children has reacted by "writing to Tony Blair to ask him whether he has repented of the anti-life positions he has so openly advocated throughout his political career"; presumably he has, now that it seems morally imperative (or, in Oldspeak, expedient) for him to do so. In any case, Tony has plenty of anti-life positions to spare, notably the Christian conviction that life on earth is merely a preparation for an eternity of union with the Sky-daddy or wailing and gnashing of teeth, not to mention the unfortunate incident of scapegoating on which the whole faith is based.

The Conservative MP Ann Widdecombe, who rivals Tony in reasoning power as in command of the English language, noted that "It's perfectly possible to be a practising Catholic and play a very major role including the most major role in British politics in this country", raising intriguing questions about the religious proclivities of George W Bush and Rupert Murdoch.