Britishness Battered By Barmy Beak's Brazen Blunder

The near-terminal irrelevance of the courts in New Labour's New Britain was demonstrated yet again today when a force of conservatism interfered with the Ministry of Internment and Expulsion's efforts to prevent Britain being swamped by asylum tourists.

The fifteen-year-old threat to British jobs is a native of the sovereign, independent state of Iraq. He was seized last month in a pre-dawn raid so that he could be appropriately informatised of what may be awaiting him at home now that the country is orderly enough for British troops to flee from without excessive unseemliness.

The unit of excess benefit claimancy was returned unaccompanied to Austria, where he demonstrated his Britishnessless shiftlessness by spending three days and nights on the streets. Despite having consumed precious London air and living space, he was described as "unprepared for the cold and the rain".

The potential destroyer of British national identity was eventually given shelter in a charity-run hostel. Despite this happy resolution, a judge has criticised the Ministry for a "total lack of humanitarianism", which makes about as much sense as criticising a cluster bomb for dropping without due care and attention.

The judge also demonstrated the casual, unselfconscious racism of the complacent left-liberal elite by referring to the menace to Britain's shores as "a vulnerable minor" despite the fact that human resources tend to come of age much faster in primitive, war-torn societies.