Bruges Grope

The Minister for Lesser Breeds, David Miliblaband, is off to do some finger-wagging at those of our European partners who have not kept up with the progress of civilisation here on the mainland. He will "suggest that by 2030 all cars purchased in the EU should have zero carbon emissions"; though, being a New Labour proposal, it is extremely unlikely that this will actually mean that by 2030 all cars purchased in the EU should emit no carbon. Since Milibaland will also be proposing "an extension of the fledgling EU emissions trading scheme with the creation of an EU carbon bank to regulate the amount of carbon used", it is much more likely that he means the cars will emit just what their manufacturers think they should emit, the carbon being arbitrarily assigned to some Third Worlder with a smaller footprint whose government will receive some generous bounty so that he can better enjoy the process of being starved, roasted and flooded.

Milibibland will inform the EU that it must no longer "focus on internal not external challenges"; after all, there are few things less important in any community than the mere rules by which its members get along with one another. It is also dangerous to focus on "institutions rather than ideals", since the former might easily be used to prevent the latter being appropriately imposed upon those who might not yet have realised the advantages of adopting the values Britain shares with George W Bush. If the EU continues on its dangerous path, we will "face losing our hard power by not being prepared to intervene", Iraq and Afghanistan having demonstrated the wondrous effectiveness of our hard power. We will also "face losing our soft power by closing off further enlargement and a bolder near neighbourhood policy", diplomacy being apparently impossible except between EU members. "The result: the return of protectionism, growing energy insecurity, division with the Islamic world, and unmanaged migration to conflict and inequality" - all because of those tragically short-sighted potato-crisp reformers in Brussels.

Mibilalaland's Great Idea is to "consider extending the single market beyond our immediate neighbours, and to the Middle East and north Africa"; which, among other advantages, may help to place that beastly Human Rights Act in some sort of perspective. If Israel, Saudi Arabia and the sovereign, independent Iraqi government could join the EU, this would result in "European rules shaping the world", just like in the good old days when half the map was painted pink. Perhaps one day we might even get America to join; otherwise, "we return to power politics and an age of disorder" in which institutions such as the UN charter might well be thought to trump ideals such as hard-headed interventionism.