Family Fortunes

Daveybloke, the Cuddly Conservative, said today that he did not "doubt for one moment Mr Brown's sincere desire to remove the scourge of poverty from our land", though the justification for this touching faith seems a little elusive.

Daveybloke also had a few things to say about aspiration. "Aspiration is not about class, background or position"; even a hoodie can dream of Eton. "Everybody dreams of rising up in the world", except for an insignificant few who dream of being left alone to mind their own business, "and everybody dreams of giving their children a better life" except for an insignificant few who have better things to do than breed the soldiers and stockbrokers of tomorrow. Daveybloke does not care where you started out in life; his mission is to help you rise higher. How does he propose to fulfil this vision of aspirationality? "We must help the haves to have more", another radical change for the Conservative Party, which the Independent refers to as "a foray into traditional Labour territory". We must also "back the aspirations of our over-taxed, over-burdened middle classes", except for those who no longer wish to live as couples; "but a modern aspiration agenda means helping the have-nots to have something", though presumably not at the expense of the over-taxed and over-burdened middle classes, let alone that of the haves who have only just been helped to have more.

Between mathematical profundities, Daveybloke accused the Glorious Successor of failing to discriminate sufficiently against those who are not married, claiming that the present tax credits system rewards couples for living apart. Presumably Daveybloke was thinking of the children, who would obviously be much better off in a proper household complete with bickering parents, deathly silences and an efficient tax credit system, rather than suffering the horrors of single-parentism with its attendant moral depravity and evident material advantages.