Another National Database, Hurrah

Well, here's a thing: a report by the Ministry of Unfitness for Purpose and the best police force in the world claims that most of Britain's spy cameras are in the wrong place for them to do any good in the war on evil, and more than four-fifths of the pictures they produce are of insufficient quality to be any help in police work. There is, as one would expect, "an increasing tendency for CCTV schemes to be used as income generators", but somehow or other the profits derived therefrom have failed to trickle down into the battle for true British values and national redemption. Even more surprisingly, not even the Ministry of Surveillance knows just how many cameras there are, since anyone can set up a CCTV network and there are no statutory safeguards. The solution, of course, is another national database, so that the Ministry of Eternal Vigilance can begin to keep track of those who are keeping track of those who might one day step out of line. "Whether legal powers exist to tackle invasions of privacy involving privately-run CCTV is a grey area", possibly because the Government does not know how many laws it has passed on this matter or what powers it has arrogated to itself or dispensed to private snoopery specialists. A spokesbeing for the Ministry said that the report highlighted the need for "improved public accountability" (or, in Oldspeak, more centralised government control) as manifested in the new database, national training standards for those who have set up CCTV networks but don't know how to use them in the fight for Britishness, and "a stronger role for the information commissioner" in ensuring that all spying is done properly and with due regard for the privacy of those who can afford it.