The Curmudgeon


Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Infernal Devizes

Michael Andrew Foster Jude Kerr PC QC MP, the Member for Devizes and Thirteenth Marchioness of Loathing and Something-or-other, has done his best to return the Conservative Party to its traditional roots of backstabbing and internecine warfare by launching a quick brick at Daveybloke's cuddly window-dressing. Because the Marchioness "applauds some of his leader's policies and the proposals emerging from policy review groups", he has taken care to do his smashing and blabbing on the same day as the public services review by a group under the leadership of Stephen Dorrell. The group recommends breaking up "ghetto" estates by giving council tenants ten per cent of the value of their slum in order to help them buy property in the private sector; the remaining ninety per cent to be acquired through hard work and family values, no doubt. Dorrell took the opportunity to deny that Daveybloke is "trashing" the party's heritage, and regurgitated the standard burble of British politicians who are in the midst of an ungainly lurch to the right: namely, that they are "reaching out to the centre ground". Nevertheless, the Member and Marchioness for Wherever and Whatever has urged Daveybloke to return to "core values" such as tax boo hiss, Europe boo hiss, and marriage rah rah. He denounced efforts to present the Conservatives as "the heir to Blair" and insisted that they should "instead embrace Thatcherite achievements" such as, presumably, neoliberalism, Atlanticism and piety for the poor folks, all of which Blair has of course shunned with all the strength of every grinning, pulsating sphincter in his glorious body. Or perhaps the Marchioness was referring to the poll tax.


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