Doing Just Fine

Since the bicentenary of the glorious throwing-off of the brutal British yoke, nearly eleven hundred people have been executed in the greatest country in the world and global freedomiser, and just over thirty-six per cent of them in Texas. The Lone Star State now has one less Islamic nigrah sitting idle in a luxury hotel at the taxpayers' expense. In the usual Christian spirit, as displayed over another case closer to home, Johnny Ray Conner was killed by lethal injection at 6:20pm local time, to the tune of much bleating about his so-called human rights. Kathyanna Nguyen, whom Conner shot and killed in 1998 while attempting robbery, would obviously have been caused unnecessary suffering had her killer been permitted to live; and if there is one thing America cannot stand, it is unnecessary suffering. Furthermore, Kathyanna Nguyen is in the bosom of the Lord, and unnecessary suffering while in the bosom of the Lord is against the patriot laws. It may one day be possible to improve life in Heaven via the usual method of bombing the crap out of it; at the moment, unfortuntely, the logistical problems involved are prohibitive. Hence, it was considered cheaper and easier to give Conner the needle, and this despite an appeal by the European Union for a moratorium. "While we respect our friends in Europe, welcome their investment in our state and appreciate their interest in our laws, Texans are doing just fine governing Texas," said a spokesbeing for the state governor, Rick Perry, giving the lie to Billy Connolly's dictum that "Fuck off, he hinted" is an impossible formulation. The European Union has banned the death penalty in favour of conniving at "extraordinary rendition" and, in Britain's case, asking nicely for a piece of paper, signed by a given human rights abuser, whereby the said human rights abuser promises to play nicely with a particular deportee, on pain of Britain's potentially becoming very irritated indeed. The global freedomiser executed fifty-three people last year, placing Britain's greatest ally in the war on evil in the august company of China, Iran, Pakistan, the Green Zone and Sudan. Kathyanna Nguyen apparently could not be reached for comment on whether her human rights feel better today.