London Terror Bomb Terror Alert Terror

Terror bomb terror car terror bomb terror returned to terrorise London's streets today when a bomb was discovered in a car outside a London nightclub, terror bomb alert terror car terror.

The anti-terror head of Scotland Yard's anti-terror unit said it was too early to speculate about who may have been responsible for the terror bomb, but Iran Iraq Syria Muslims Iran Muslims Iraq al-Qaida al-Qaida Iran Iran Bloody Irish anyway.

The anti-terror Prime Minister, who is against terror, said he would "stress to the cabinet that the vigilance must be maintained over the next few days", which sounds jolly helpful.

The anti-terror Secretary for War, Des Browne, who is also against terror, responded by thanking God for the police and explosives experts, which sounds even more helpful, especially when it comes (as inevitably it will) to the point of asking Parliament to countenance locking people up without trial for as long as somebody thinks it necessary terror terror terror:

"Mummy, you love me don't you?"
"Of course I do, darling."
"You thank God I'm here, don't you?"
"Naturally, dear. Every day I express my gratitude to God that he stuck his invisible hand up me that night and ruptured that condom the nuns always warned me against."
"Good. In that case I want a new bike and a puppy and a Playstation and I want to be able to lock Timmy in the fridge for three months every time the fancy takes me."

You can see the terror logic of it, I hope.