Blessed are the Peacemakers

Now that his ascension is only a few days away, the Vicar of Downing Street has granted the Pope an audience and has presented him with a portrait of Cardinal Newman, who will remain perhaps the most prominent British Catholic in recent history until Tony's own conversion has been appropriately formalised. A Downing Street spokesbeing said that the poodle and the eunuch had "positive" talks, which "focused on the Middle East, international development and interfaith issues", but unfortunately declined to say whether the sixteenth Daddy Goodspeak had expressed any moral qualms about all those Muslim corpses littering the area. Perhaps they had more important things to discuss.

The White House has indicated that "it would support Mr Blair carrying out diplomatic missions in the troubled region for the powerful Quartet of the US, the UN, Russia and Europe", Russia and Europe being presumably outside the UN rather than above it. Having got the go-ahead, the Prince in Waiting, Gordon Brown, has "warmly endorsed the idea of Mr Blair acting as a Middle East envoy for the major powers", which optimists will see as a favourable sign as regards his sense of humour. The heir praised Tony's "great knowledge both of reconciliation, and how to make it happen" between such apparently antagonistic entities as legality and bribery, bombing and anti-terrorism, democracy and the Serious Organised Crime and Police Act 2005, national law and Peter Goldsmith, and so forth.

Tony himself apparently intends to make "a major announcement on his post-Downing Street plans when he officially stands down on Wednesday". Gosh. I can hardly wait.