Nine Days' Wonder

The world-saving component of the Vicar of Downing Street's legacy appears to have run into problems. Last Thursday, his reverence was positively, confidently, sunnily, toothily certain that the United States would condescend to commit itself to "at least the beginnings" of a deal to begin thinking about the possibility of instituting some sort of non-compulsory action that might eventually do something about carbon emissions. This, along with ending poverty, bringing peace to the Middle East and removing the shame from the word Socialism, would be Tony's bequeathmentisation as world statesman and person of destiny, and he would then be able to tender his resignation with a clear conscience and go on about the business of reconciling the world's great religious faiths from the hospitable homes of the extremely rich.

Well, who would have thought it? Almost before Cherie can get started on sewing the "Legacy Accomplished" banner, the United States has once more fulfilled its role as Tony's oldest and greatest ally by rejecting the whole idea in red ink. The proposed G8 deal "runs counter to our overall position" that climate change is not harmful, not happening and best dealt with by mirrors in space, "and crosses multiple 'red lines' in terms of what we simply cannot agree to ... This document is called FINAL but we never agreed to any of the climate language present in the document". It would be cynical and uncharitable in the extreme to imagine that climate language has the slightest reference to the Vicar's yap-yapping upon the subject, and I hope we can all put the thought firmly from our minds. "We have tried to 'tread lightly'," the red ink continues, "but there is only so far we can go", i.e. nowhere, "given our fundamental opposition to the German position."

The tone, according to the Guardian's article (with a Shell advert tactfully placed in the middle of it) is "blunt, with whole pages of the draft crossed out and even the mildest statements about confirming previous agreements rejected". No doubt Tony will soon be persuaded to see the flaws in those previous agreements, not to mention the sheer insanity of allowing the forces of conservatism to confirm them. "The proposals within the sections titled 'Fighting Climate Change' and 'Carbon Markets' are fundamentally incompatible with the President's approach to climate change," points out the red ink, to those who didn't already suspect it. But at least Saddam Hussein has been removed.