Dulce Et Decorum Est Pro Patria Telly

The British sailors who were captured by Iran, forced to undergo humiliating television appearances, and released after thirteen days in a cynical publicity stunt, have been given permission by the Ministry for Helping Little Brown Foreigners to keep the media frenzy going by selling their stories. Because of the "exceptional circumstances", the Ministry has apparently urged them to "go out there, tell the truth and make the money", presumably so that the sailors can show to maximum advantage the contrast between their dignified professionalism and the transparent posturing of the evil Ahmadinejad. The female of the party, whose equal status under Enlightenment values was rudely shattered when she was made to wear a piece of cloth on her head, is "said to have sold her story for £150,000 in a joint contract with a newspaper and ITV"; while the other fourteen are expected to make about a hundred thousand between them. Equal treatment is a wonderful thing when you can get it.

Even Liam Fox, Daveybloke's spokesbeing for Supporting Our Boys and hence not exactly the most venerable of floaters himself, finds the spectacle "somewhat undignified"; while Rose Gentle, who lost a son in Iraq, observed: "None of the parents who have lost loved ones in Iraq have sold their stories". It is not clear whether this deplorable lack of parental dignity and professionalism has been condoned by the Ministry of Pre-emption.