The Satanic Supplement

Bravery,n. A warlike attitude of vicarious daring manifested by noncombatants and sustained by the newspapers.

Democracy,n. Dictatorship maintained by deception rather than force. Transformation of political debate into an arguably not altogether insignificant branch of the advertising industry.

Environment,n. The totality of our surroundings, on which we depend for our survival as a civilisation and possibly as a species. Something vaguely worth preserving in approximately its present state, insofar as this is not incompatible with political expediency and indefinitely sustained economic expansion.

Futile,adj. With no end in sight.

Lunatic,n. One whose delusions are out of fashion.

Misfortune,n. A preventable calamity which happens to oneself, or a tolerable inevitability which happens to someone else.

Power,n. Property which distinguishes those engaged in robbing us from those who merely wish to do so.

Necritable,adj. Impossible to write down accurately, just as words like gxhtbpkl are impossible to pronounce.
His response, distorted by drink and the absence of dentures, was not merely unprintable but virtually necritable.
Umbo Fragwort

Snow,n. Flakes of crystallised water vapour which fall from the sky in cold weather and form frozen greyish ruts on the ground, thus ensuring that British pedestrian footpaths are about as safe in winter as they are during the rest of the year.

Woman,n. An ailurocanine hybrid: the only creature capable of being bitchy and feline at one and the same time.