The Curmudgeon


Monday, February 26, 2007

News 2020

Leaders attack "attack" attacks

The Prime Minister today joined the US Commander-in-Chief in condemning commentators who refer to the ongoing Middle East liberation project as an "attack".

Several journalists and some writers have persistently utilised the word "attack" to refer to coalition democratisation activities in Persian-occupied Iran, and even in the former Iraq, despite numerous press releases to the contrary, the Prime Minister said.

In a surprise move, the Prime Minster echoed the words of the US Commander-in-Chief, who said yesterday that using the word "attack" with regard to recent centrifuge-busting actions was "inaccurate, misleading, false, fake and not true" and "had a potentially appreciable factor of deceptivity".

Under the Homeland Constitution, deceptivity in the political sphere is a serious offence, which can result in the loss of White House bunker and transcription privileges for the offending journalist.

The Prime Minister added that the assurances of the US Secretary of State, who last week gave a presentation to the United Nations Security Council, "should be enough to satisfy even the most ardent conspiracy theorist".

The Secretary of State's presentation showed pictures of US aircraft carriers and nuclear submarines engaging in peaceful activities near Iran's southern coast.

General Claiborne P Minuteman, Commander-under-God of liberating forces in the Middle East, also stated explicitly today that recent American nuclear detonations in Iran were "undertaken in a spirit of pure preventativity" and that "all regrettable damage was purely collateral."


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