The Satanic Supplement

Year,n. Astronomically, A single elliptical orbit of the planet around the sun, at an average distance of about ninety-three million miles. In Britain, this has been found to be the optimum solar orbit for perennial complaints about the temperature. Biologically, Approximately a fourth of infancy, a twelfth of childhood, a third of puberty, a third of adolescence, a fiftieth of working life. Proportions of senility and terminal decline vary depending on size of income and patience of offspring. Chronologically, A period of three hundred and sixty-five and a quarter days, or eight thousand seven hundred and sixty-six hours, or five hundred and twenty-five thousand nine hundred and sixty minutes, or thirty-one million five hundred and fifty-seven thousand six hundred seconds, and no improvements to speak of. Economically, A period of growth, decline, stagnation, inflation, deflation, reorganisation, rationalisation or consolidation, as compared by various and diverging expert opinions with the situation at about the same time one year ago and taking into account any factors deemed relevant by the respective various and divergent experts. Historically, The present year is approximately the two thousand and eleventh since the alleged birth of Christ, and therefore is numbered 2007. Meteorologically, A period of four seasons: the January sales, the Easter sales, the summer sales and the Christmas rush. Morally, A period of good intentions, resulting in resolutions, followed by fifty-one weeks or more of normal behaviour. Socially, The interval between one New Year's hangover and the next.