The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

News 2020

Blair sparks community care debate

Lord Blair of Belmarsh today thrust the Government's community care programme into controversy today by escaping into the community.

Evading attitude enhancement personnel at the Ronald Macdonald Luvvicareâ„¢ Rest Home, the former Prime Minister drove his motorised bath-chair three times around the House of Donors at its top speed of 50mph.

He appeared to be under the impression that a debate was taking place, and to be looking for an open window, witnesses said.

Police attempted to stop the bath-chair without endangering innocent identity-card carriers, but were unable to prevent Lord Blair from gate-crashing a general meeting of the Confabulation of Business Interests which was taking place nearby.

A police spokesperson said that officers were uncertain whether Lord Blair constituted a breach of the peace, an illegal demonstration or an Islamo-extremist threat, and that therefore "their reflexes were understandably petrified".

Once in the lobby of the building where the CBI meeting was taking place, Lord Blair was heard to claim several times that he was a little teapot.

It has been thought for some time that such a claim was made in Lord Blair's unpublished volume of autobiography, Me, God and Martin Kettle, but the rumours have never been confirmed.

Lord Blair then switched on a recording of the late US President and Commander-in-Chief, George W Bush, singing the Elvis Presley hit Let Me Be Your Teddy Bear, and started lip-synching along with it.

A brown paper bag was placed over him and he was painlessly removed from the scene.

The leader of the opposition, Boris Johnson, called the episode "a disgrace" and called for greater police powers to stop and detain people who played loud music at CBI conferences, so long as the rights of such people were respected according to the conscience of everyone present.

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