Kill an Elf for Christmas

Kill an elf for Christmas;
Blast him from the skies.
Pull his little wings off
And jab holly in his eyes.

Grab a passing Santa;
Jump upon his hat.
Vandalise his grotto
And squash his helpers flat.

Kill an elf for Christmas;
Don't cut down the firs.
They make efficient gallows
To hang the little curs.

Find some carol singers
All noisy and devout,
And pluck, with carefree fingers,
Their tongues and tonsils out.

Kill an elf for Christmas;
Exult in what you do.
If anyone reproaches,
You'd better kill them, too.

Kill an elf for Christmas;
Mow the pixies down.
Send the gnomes to glory,
And napalm Fairytown.

Eglantine Heap