The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Yet Again, Someone Thinks of the Children

Tomorrow being the start of anti-bullying week, the Minister for Human Resource Moulding, Alan Johnson, will announce a new initiative to put a stop to John Reid's favourite pastime, at least insofar as it is indulged in by those who are under age. The initiative consists in asking the "most popular teenagers in school" to "take on the responsibility of looking after their younger peers". In other words, the most socially successful members of the most harshly conformist group in society except the parliamentary Labour party are to be requested to protect the interests of the playground pariahs. They are even to be asked "to wear specially identifiable clothing", so that the least liked, least attractive and least capable children in the school will know just where to run when there's a crisis. Oh, it will work like a dream.

Then, when the popular ones have resolved all the fights, reported the bullies, provided psychological support to the victims and turned the schools into triumphant seats of tolerance, mutual aid and perhaps occasional learning, the little ones will grow up and find themselves seeking to survive in a world run by the likes of John Reid. The Minister of Unfitness for Purpose now plans to force parents to attend courses on how to raise their children. Of course, the forcing will be "on a voluntary basis" at first, because as Reid writes, "most people accept help when offered" something they can't refuse. For the most failed families, we shall also see much more of the Government's favourite solution to the perceived rise in anti-social behaviour: "accommodation units which resemble boarding schools with strict rules and even curfews".

The Minister of Unfitness for Purpose, you see, recently commissioned a poll which found that "most people believe parents not doing their job properly is the biggest reason for the perceived rise in anti-social behaviour". This is certainly true. Many politicians and most journalists could obviously have done with better parenting. To take only a couple of the more blatant examples: if Mr and Mrs Blair had raised little Tony to understand the difference between helping people and killing them, the world might now be a happier place; and if the staff of the Daily Mail and its ilk had been taught the difference between truth and falsehood, and why it matters, perceived anti-social behaviour might not be nearly so risen.

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