Tony to Save Civilisation One More Time

Britons, with the possible exception of corporate Britons and those who absolutely cannot do without a new airport terminal, "must be prepared to pay now to avoid future disaster" from climate change. Tony says it, so somebody ought to do something about it.

Wearing a poppy, in recognition of his considerable contribution to the Afghan opium trade, his reverence said that the world faces no issue "more serious, more urgent, or more demanding of leadership - here, of course, but most importantly in the global community". One wonders if he has a leader in mind. His reverence may be leaving his present employment quite soon. There is, in his reverence's view, "overwhelming scientific evidence" that climate change is taking place, so from now on the UK will "have to be bolder" than his reverence has managed to be over the past nine years. His reverence also noted that "if all Britain's carbon emissions were stopped in one fell swoop, they would be replaced within two years by the increase in Chinese emissions"; which translates into Standard English as the trademark "don't blame me."

By way of boldness, then, the Secretary of State for Greenspeak, David Miliband, announced "four pillars" to prop up the Government's show of vague interest in keeping some of the planet habitable. The first is to "enshrine into law Britain's target of reducing carbon dioxide emissions by 60% by 2050 from 1990 levels". Translated into Standard English, this means that nobody in Britain need feel obliged to do very much, except perhaps turn off the occasional tap, until 2049. The second pillar is "an independent carbon committee to ensure cuts in carbon use", by the judicious application of whatever set of rubber teeth the Government sees fit to give it. Third, the legislation will "create enabling powers", as opposed to obligations, compulsions or anything (shudder) planned, "to put in place new emissions reduction measures", and the final pillar is "to assess what additional reporting and monitoring arrangements" are required for the all-important public relations exercise which will be the largest aspect of the whole enterprise, as well as the only aspect to be much thought out.

The Prince in Waiting observed that "Building a low carbon economy in Britain and across the world means higher productivity from increased energy efficiency, it means new markets, jobs and exports from environmental technologies and products"; as does everything except investing in education, public health and public transport, and paying pensioners what is owed them.