A Standing Consumer is a Happy Consumer

In British statecraft, one of the most effective and time-honoured ways of tackling malcontents (i.e. the British public) is to make the problem worse. People dislike Tony Blair? Offer them a choice between Gordon Brown and John Reid. People think the NHS is under-funded? Break it up and sell it off. People are worried about their civil liberties? Take their worries away. If the consequences of complaining are worse than the circumstances which gave rise to the complaint, so the thinking goes, then sooner or later, when matters are genuinely bad enough, people will stop telling their country what it can do for them, and will at last get around to asking what they can do for the Government.

The merits of this logic appear to have dawned on South West Trains, which makes its profits from some of the least satisfied passengers in the United Kingdom. South West Trains have been browbeaten into dealing with the overcrowding on their commuter convenience modules; but since it's the passengers and not the shareholders who have been complaining, it is obviously out of the question for them, as a public transport company, to deal with it by spending money on public transport. Instead, they're going to remove some of the seats from their carriages so that the passengers will have more standing room.

This measure being what a spokeswoman called "a creative way of getting to grips with the situation right now," it will for the moment apply only to those trains which take a long time to cover a short distance, and not to the ones which take a long time to cover a bigger distance. Like income tax and the occupation of Iraq, the measure is also "not seen as a long-term solution", apparently because South West Trains expect it to make passengers happier. "If anything, this will enhance comfort," proclaims that same spokeswoman, who seems rather shrewdly to have remained anonymous.

By a remarkable coincidence, given the necessity of ripping out seats, the experience of South West Trains is that "many passengers are happy to stand on short journeys, especially if it means they have more space." I wonder how many passengers they asked, particularly those passengers who, with no seating available, had little other choice except to enjoy the vistas of comfort and contentment which are opened by hanging onto a commuter proprioception enhancement fixture while swapping halitosis with a friendly stranger and trying to complete the journey with both eyes intact and only minor contusions.

Meanwhile, the Department of Transport Privatisation has suggested using "double-deck trains", which may or may not amount to more than making passengers lie prone on the roofs of the carriages and pay extra if they survive. In any case, the tunnels should be fun.