Some Rights are More Equal than Others

Christ forgave harlots and publicans, but he was regrettably reticent about gay people. Accordingly, the Vicar of Downing Street and his Sectarian of State for Tolerance Control, Ruth Kelly, have been forced to intercede on behalf of their invisible playmate to block "proposals to stop schools, companies and other agencies refusing services to people purely because of their sexuality". Catholic adoption agencies, who presumably believe that it is better for a child to be battered in wedlock than brought up in sin, "fear being forced to allow gay couples to adopt children". Catholic faith schools are arguing that the rules "could affect teaching about sex", preventing the necessary inculcation of post-marital heterosexual intercourse as the sole acceptable practice. Obviously, given the progress the church has made in eradicating naughty sex practices over the past thirteen hundred years or so, this would be too bad. They also fear that they would be forced to "let gay groups hold meetings on their premises after hours", necessitating daily exorcisms to purge the buildings of their deadly homosexual miasma. His reverence is "anxious about the impact on faith schools and faith-based adoption agencies", who might, I suppose, if worst came to worst, refuse on their conscience and in fear for their immortal corporate souls to accept the public money which his reverence intends to throw at them. That would certainly never do.