Highly Dangerous, No Risk Involved

The Department of Unfitness for Purpose has admitted that two men, a Briton and an Iraqi, have escaped from the restraints imposed by their control orders. The Briton was supposedly part of a cell "planning to travel to Iraq to attack coalition forces", and thus stands accused of harbouring desires which are not in accordance with the express wishes of Her Majesty's Government. The Iraqi apparently constitutes a still greater risk. Nevertheless, the men are not sufficiently dangerous to be charged, tried, named or even for the public to be informed of their escape until some weeks after the event.

Luckily, according to the policing minister Tony McNulty, "people who needed to know, in the context of public safety, did know". Unfortunately, the police and security services, who may possibly be included among those who needed to know, after a period of weeks still have no idea where these gentlemen are. Luckily, the policing minister Tony McNulty has "rejected concerns that both men posed a danger to the public, or could mount a terrorist attack against Britain". Unfortunately, the British citizen, who is alleged by unnamed sources to have links with al-Qaida, "is believed", by sources an anonymous counter-terrorism official did not specify, "to pose a danger of involvement in terrorist attacks within the UK."

The Vicar of Downing Street has responded to the problem with his usual forthright self-exculpation, blaming the Parliament which refused him permission to kick the suspects into jail and throw away the key.