Gung Ho, Gung Ho, It's Back to Work We Go

The deputy prime minister of the sovereign, independent Iraqi government has been visiting the Vicar in Downing Street, helping to clear up the mess created by the head of Britain's armed forces, Sir Richard Dannatt, who recently permitted reality to intrude upon his comments to an degree unacceptable in the Coalition for Universal Values. The deputy sovereign, independent prime minister begged Tony not to cut and run. Tony told him that Britain would hold its nerve until the job was done. The deputy sovereign, independent prime minister said that "We need to demonstrate progress on the ground", an acute strategic judgement after forty-odd months of "tough transition" at the cost of perhaps two per cent of the population. The defence secretary, Des Browne, said that British forces would be "out when the job is done". The Secretary of State for the Rest of the World, Margaret Beckett, said that any future dismemberment of the country was "very much a matter for the Iraqis. They have had enough of people from outside handing down arbitrary boundaries and arbitrary decisions." Confirming Ms Beckett in her understanding of native psychology, the deputy sovereign, independent prime minister "warned Iran and Syria not to interfere in Iraq's affairs". He added that "the training of Iraqi forces", as opposed to the fake Iraqis who have chosen the wrong side in the clash of civilisations, "had been improved", as demonstrated by the recent re-taking of Amara from Shia militia. Amara is in "the mainly Shia south, which contains the majority of Iraqi oil", so naturally "British troops waited outside the city in case they were needed". Meanwhile, the commander of British troops in Basra, Major General Sheriff, said he was "absolutely certain" the battle for hearts and minds was being won. "We are seen as occupiers" by some unimportant people, but "we are also seen very firmly as part of the solution" by the people who matter, namely those with whom we stand shoulder to shoulder. The people of Basra "realise this place is not going to get better by magic", which, although Major General Sheriff did not say so, may well be the reason why some of them have resorted to more worldly methods of using a bang and a flash to improve things. A total of 119 British troops and nearly 2800 American troops have died since the Coalition for Mushroom Cloud Prevention invaded; as have an estimated six hundred and fifty thousand persons of lesser significance.