Shoulder to Shoulder, Brows Unbeaten

The Vicar of Downing Street's grand inquisitor took to the pulpit today, pledging as usual to crack down on everything in a "seamless coordinated approach to the now seamless threat", whatever that may mean.

Although he suggested a "community payback scheme", which sounds like something the Krays might approve, the good doctor seems to have said little about the possibility of making London's most violent criminals pay for the medical costs of their victims in the Middle East. Instead, he complimented the Beloved Leader on his good taste in subordinates: "leadership is not a zero-sum game. When one of us shines it doesn't diminish the others, it reflects on all of us". Further, "When one of us succeeds, the others don't fail. We share in that success." What light through yonder window breaks? It is the West, and Tony is the sun, which shines upon the just and the unjust, and bringeth warmth to keep the daisies bright.

He discoursed upon free speech: "when the terrorists or their loudmouth advocates of terrorist sympathisers tell me that we won't be allowed to raise our arguments in this or that part of the community, my answer is simple." Advocates of terrorist sympathisers? In any case, as usual, there will be "no compromises" with the abstract noun, which is not at all surprising but seems to be a crowd pleaser.

Simplicity, then: "This is Britain," for those who didn't know it. "There are, and will be, no no-go areas in our country for any of our people, whatever their background, colour or creed", although income might possibly be a factor. "We will go wherever we please", except the parliamentary exclusion zone; "we will discuss what we like" so long as Government policy is not affected; "and we will never be browbeaten by bullies.' That's what it means to be British." After all, why should we need browbeating when we're in a special relationship with the Global Enforcer?

From simplicity to clarity: "let's be clear. It cannot be right that the rights of individual suspected terrorist be placed above the rights, life and limb of the British people." Those who have not been found guilty of certain crimes must forfeit certain rights. It is better for a million innocents should suffer than for one extremist bully to get away. "Full stop. No ifs, no buts. It's just plain wrong." So much for discussion.

Meanwhile, "the decent, silent majority of Muslim men and women" who have supported the Government so steadfastly through Afghanistan, Iraq, the Lebanon debacle and the drum-beating for Operation Iran Liberation, must "have the courage to face down the extremist bullies", and the Vicar of Downing Street's pocket Norman Tebbit will "have the courage and character to stand shoulder to shoulder [ah, the old favourite again] with them doing it". John Reid's Own Britannic Janissaries: doubtless the scimitars are being polished even as we wait.