Parenting Made Simple

The Minister of Homeland Security, John Reid, has been informing Muslim parents that they had better start looking after their children properly. We all know, because Tony has said so, that the grievances motivating suicide bombers and their controllers are fictitious; therefore they must have been badly brought up. "In protecting our families, we are protecting our community," the Minister pointed out, for the benefit of those who had failed to internalise New Labour's agenda on family and community values. He also denied that "efforts to tackle Islamist terrorism amounted to a war against Islam"; though any comments he made about the present government's efficient recruitment drives for Islamist terrorism in Afghanistan, Iraq, Lebanon and Gaza do not appear to have been recorded for posterity. Unlike Britain, the US or the Righteous State, warned the ex-Minister for Bombing, John Reid, terrorists are waging a "violent and indiscriminate war", and communities need to be more aware of "telltale signs" of brainwashing. "These fanatics are looking to groom and brainwash children, including your children, for suicide bombings," informed the Minister of Moderate Fitness for Purpose, John Reid. "Look for the telltale signs now and talk to them before their hatred grows," instructed the Minister of Surveillance, John Reid. Obviously, having been groomed and brainwashed to the point where thoughts of murder and suicide are detectable in their little foreign faces, their hatred will die down in moments after a talking-to from a watchful parent inspired by the Minister of Dawn Raids and Deportations, John Reid.