News 2020
Hot air policy takes wind of change by storm
The Minister of Legacy Preservation, Norman Truman-Lyman, today gave his "categorical and holy word" that he would continue to build on the Prime Minister's achievements while radically renewing the Government's direction towards a smooth and orderly transition to a basic reorientation of the natural centre of politics.
In a barnstorming speech at the annual NuLabLib Coalition Badge and Balloon Jamboree, Mr Truman-Lyman laid out his "vision of Britain", which commentators have interpreted as a renewed effort to present himself as a solid Britennial visualiser.
Mr Truman-Lyman expressed "confidence verging on the limitational absoluteness of considerability" that the NuLibLab Coalition would "romp home to victory" at the next voting season, predicting that "a comfortable 10% of the electorate" might still be comfortable enough to cast their ballots in the Government's favour.
While dismissing the opposition with faint praise as "the party of war, privatisation and public relations", the Minister reserved his harshest criticism for anti-environmental pressure groups who oppose Government measures to secure the world's natural resources.
"To those who set themselves against the introduction of private know-how and private initiative into the preservation of our planet and our species, I say this," he said.
He continued, "Arguments about whether people should be allowed to breathe are the privilege of opposition. When in Government one has to make tough decisions about how to facilitate respirational capacitance for each citizen according to his or her degree of entitlement to basic human rights."
Mr Truman-Lyman denied that Government plans to allow private contractors to nurture and sustain the atmosphere's oxygen content meant that the air would be privatised. "The oxygen content of the atmosphere is less than a quarter of its total amountitude," he said.
He also refuted the "aerobic blood libel" that human resources only breathe oxygen. "When a human resource engages in a pneumotracheal ingestive experience, all the gases in the atmosphere are consumed, including the seventy per cent or more which will remain free at the point of use," he said.
Delegates clapped and cheered as the Sinceritometer built into Mr Truman-Lyman's state-of-the-art Hallibechtel autocue flashed almost continually in the region of "very sincere".
The Minister of Legacy Preservation, Norman Truman-Lyman, today gave his "categorical and holy word" that he would continue to build on the Prime Minister's achievements while radically renewing the Government's direction towards a smooth and orderly transition to a basic reorientation of the natural centre of politics.
In a barnstorming speech at the annual NuLabLib Coalition Badge and Balloon Jamboree, Mr Truman-Lyman laid out his "vision of Britain", which commentators have interpreted as a renewed effort to present himself as a solid Britennial visualiser.
Mr Truman-Lyman expressed "confidence verging on the limitational absoluteness of considerability" that the NuLibLab Coalition would "romp home to victory" at the next voting season, predicting that "a comfortable 10% of the electorate" might still be comfortable enough to cast their ballots in the Government's favour.
While dismissing the opposition with faint praise as "the party of war, privatisation and public relations", the Minister reserved his harshest criticism for anti-environmental pressure groups who oppose Government measures to secure the world's natural resources.
"To those who set themselves against the introduction of private know-how and private initiative into the preservation of our planet and our species, I say this," he said.
He continued, "Arguments about whether people should be allowed to breathe are the privilege of opposition. When in Government one has to make tough decisions about how to facilitate respirational capacitance for each citizen according to his or her degree of entitlement to basic human rights."
Mr Truman-Lyman denied that Government plans to allow private contractors to nurture and sustain the atmosphere's oxygen content meant that the air would be privatised. "The oxygen content of the atmosphere is less than a quarter of its total amountitude," he said.
He also refuted the "aerobic blood libel" that human resources only breathe oxygen. "When a human resource engages in a pneumotracheal ingestive experience, all the gases in the atmosphere are consumed, including the seventy per cent or more which will remain free at the point of use," he said.
Delegates clapped and cheered as the Sinceritometer built into Mr Truman-Lyman's state-of-the-art Hallibechtel autocue flashed almost continually in the region of "very sincere".
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