Asylum Seeker Returns Home

A pioneer of democracy, George W Bush style has made a welcome return to Britain after twelve years in Israel. Dame Shirley Porter, the Conservative leader of Westminster council who sold council homes to Tory voters, suffered the hardship and ignominy of all who are ahead of their time: she was accused of "blatant and dishonest misuse of public power" and ordered to pay a surcharge of forty-two million pounds. Being from an ordinary, hard-working family, which supplemented its meagre income by labouring for a well-known supermarket chain, Dame Shirley had a mere three hundred thousand to her name, although it later turned out to be just twenty million. In 2004 the council, in a fit of most un-Toryish fiscal imprudence, allowed the British taxpayer to make amends to Dame Shirley by shouldering thirty million from the debt, thus freeing this enterprising and innovative lady to make Blair's Britain a happy home for her declining years. Her new flat in Mayfair is worth an economical one and a half million, so she should have some loose change to spare even if her state pension fails to cover the heating bills next winter. If her appetite for public service has not been quenched by her unfortunate experiences, perhaps Tony would be kind enough to sell her a nice, warm, ermine-lined seat in the House of Lords.