The Satanic Supplement

Asunder,adj. Natural state of a married couple.
Betrayed by his helpmeet at bridge,
And therefore in debt by a smidge,
He broke, with the phone,
Her occipital bone,
And stowed her away in the fridge.
Rev. Wibley Beamish

Cabinet,n. Receptacle for storing medicines in normal households, and poisons in Downing Street.

Deshabille,n. Just enough to cover up the wrinkles till the light is turned out.

Genealogy,n. The compilation and study of the ancestral errata.

Ill-gotten,adj. Gained at your expense.

Never,adv. Not until expediency compels, more or less.

Predecease,v.t. To treat with unusual and frequently reluctant consideration.

Ruftiform,adj. Shaped like an Elizabethan collar.
The glands on her neck had become itchily inflamed, leaving it red and repulsively ruftiform.
Chrober Jitterthwick

Shotgun,n. Handy implement used in facilitating the least enjoyable kind of wedding, the most enjoyable kind of divorce, and many other of the more delicate types of business transaction.

Version,n. Competing distortion of the truth.