The Lukewarm He Spits Out

The Vicar of Downing Street and spiritual adviser to the Iraqi people has had a private audience with the Pope. His reverence (Tony, that is, of course - Benedict is His Holiness) was in Rome holding talks with Romano Prodi, who recently managed to expunge Tony's chum, Silvio Berlusconi, from the Italian premiership and who will soon be denying Italian troops the opportunity of participating further in the liberation of Iraq. It is to be hoped that Tony refrained from asserting his Britishness by casting aspersions on Italian military prowess, since he is in need of some good advice on coalition government. As for the private audience, it seems the poodle and the eunuch have "lots to discuss". A Downing Street spokescreature said that "the Vatican is an influential player on the world stage and ... has a significant influence on international opinion". It appears that the Vatican is much as Tony sees himself in his dreams. His reverence is expected to inform his Holiness that "moderate religious leaders must work together to tackle extremism and terrorism", just as Tony and his own moderate religious leader, George W Bush, have been tackling extremism and terrorism in Iraq, adding perhaps a hundred thousand lucky souls to the celestial choirs and quite possibly advancing the dawn of Judgement Day.