The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

News 2020

Houses of Parliament must go, writes Blair

Lord Blair of Belmarsh has written to the Home Secretary advising immediate "repeal, refusal and replacement" of both Houses of Parliament, it was revealed today.

In his letter, Lord Belmarsh advocated "immediate and decisive action" to remove the House of Commons and the House of Donors from Britain's constitutional and governmental system.

"It is clear from recent events that in a modern democracy these institutions are a purblind anachronism, which could if left unchecked pose a serious danger to the achievements and legacy of the great years since 1997," the letter states.

"The rule of law is a noble and precious thing, but there comes a time when the game changes and the moral imperative means that one must simply do what is right. I have lost forty-seven socks in the washing machine since 2003 and it has got to stop."

"The elimination of unnecessary red tape is central to the opportunification of enfreedomisation and the incentivisation of initiativity which are the eternal characteristics of our supernal British realm," Lord Belmarsh concludes.

Acting in accordance with the public service targets laid down by Lord Belmarsh himself when in office, the Home Secretary responded within 24 hours with a note thanking him for expressing his views and stating that the letter would be given very serious and thorough consideration.

The former prime minister and three times Daily Mail Man of the Year often writes to members of the Government from his terror-proof mobile bunker, sometimes several times a day.

The Home Office today issued a statement of "categorical refutation" that Lord Belmarsh's letters were written in purple crayon, and criticised as "unwarranted and disrespectful speculation" the claim that most of them were written on lavatory paper.

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