The Satanic Supplement

Anti-social,adj. Anyone who has the bad taste not to spend their every waking minute in continual solicitation of your inestimable companionship.

Bully,n. Educational tool for the socialisation of eccentrics and the assistance of the weak and sensitive towards a more realistic apprehension of their place in the world.

Character,n. That which is possessed by aged buildings in lieu of water, electricity, light, heat, plastering, half the floorboards and assorted sections of roof.
My house often quakes with strange humming;
And sometimes with noises like drumming;
And sometimes with shrieks
And crepuscular creaks -
I trust it is only the plumbing.
Rev. Wibley Beamish

Edible,adj. Capable of being ingested, masticated, swallowed and digested without immediate harm to the organism, e.g. concentrates, extracts, artificial colouring, artificial flavouring, emulsifiers, preservatives and monosodium glutamate.

Humour,n. The sense which is most commonly deaf, blind, unfeeling and tasteless.

Muliebrity,n. The condition of being female. The derivation is from the Latin muliebris, meaning womanly, and has nothing whatever to do with attributes befitting a beast of burden. Lexicography, like all the sciences, is full of these little disappointments.

Pructid,n. An instance of that preliminary heaving of the gullet which constitutes the monochrome prelude to a Technicolor Yawn.
Halfway to the bathroom he was once more struck with the pructids and very nearly ruined the carpet.
Gungler Fitzboodle

Rosary,n. Abacus for adding up prayers to a God who seems to prefer quantity to quality in most things. He made Man.

Zoo,n. A place to which animals are removed from predators, poachers and other dangers of the wild, in order to enjoy the more civilised perils of boredom, confinement and public exhibition.