The Satanic Supplement

Baby,n. A silencer-free engine for emptying the heads of adults and filling nappies with processed advertising.

Claim,n.(Journalese) The self-evidently false assertion of an official enemy, as contrasted with the statements, beliefs, considerations and contentions of those who concoct the official press release.

Diet,n. The means whereby our digestive organs are tried in the fire of heartburn. In some societies, the word can also refer to a type of parliament, from which the rigours of dyspepsia are doubtless banished in favour of constructive debate and mutual co-operation.
Mr Gock lived on beefsteak so tough
That one day, having suffered enough,
His salivary glands
Fled to far distant lands
And his stomach walked out in a huff.
Rev. Wibley Beamish

Fate,n. Superstitious name for the gravity which powers our decline and downfall.

Hidden,adj. Not unsightly.

Public Transport,n. The judicious alternation of inefficiency and immobility.

Quoppicle,n. Any article, such as a coffee mug, which can be placed over the mouth and sucked on hard so that it appears to the simple-minded to defy gravity.
"My love," expostulated Marmaduke, "let us fly on wings of passion; let our lips make of each other four delicious, beetroot-coloured quoppicles!"
Clytemnestra Vodge

Restraint,n.(Obsolete) The artistic virtue of discretion or forbearance, now superseded by the commercial virtue of adequate attention to budgetary considerations.

Theology,n. One of the few branches of literary criticism to be regularly utilised as a pretext for murder.