Row, Row, Row Your Boat

A Young Men's Christian Association gym had a rather special visitor today as the Vicar of Downing Street was "put through his paces on a rowing machine". He was helping his public health minister, Caroline Flint, to launch another of New Labour's verbless church appeals. This one is called Small Changes: Big Difference, which is a very fine title for a New Labour church appeal to have. Consider, for example, the sentence "What I believe the assessed intelligence has established beyond doubt is that Saddam has continued to produce chemical and biological weapons" and the difference that would be made through the small change involved in placing the word not between the seventh and eighth words. It can hardly be denied that going from fib to fact in three letters is about as big a difference, and from as small a change, as one could reasonably hope for.

Unfortunately, the Flint spearhead has nothing of the sort in mind. Small changes in lifestyle, she said, "like quitting smoking, eating fruit and taking small amounts of exercise could add years on to a person's life." It is to be hoped that Ms Flint has consulted Gordon Brown about the possible effects on any future pensions crisis. Presumably, since Tony chose to back her up with his turn on the rowing machine, she has not.

After his government's little spat with the more poisonous sectors of the British press, his reverence was careful to cast his pearls before a more temperate and appreciative breed of grunter. In a podcast interview, he informed the Sun that he is drinking glasses of water with his coffee and tea. Hopefully this means the forthcoming legal ban on caffeine will not be rushed through Parliament for another year or two.

The Reverend emerged "slightly puffed" from his bout on the rowing machine. In his words, it "just got the cardio going". If only something could do the same for the cerebro while slowing the laryngo, we might commence to relocationalise.