Tony's Moral Symposium

It seems that the last of the Vicar of Downing Street's sermons on foreigners, freedom and truth may be destined for the United States after all. It is clearly too good for Indonesia, where his reverence enhanced his natural self-contentment by promoting better links with business leaders. He also dispensed comfort to those suffering the effects of recent wars and natural disasters, doubtless by informing them of his personal position in the war between progress and reaction, and of the competence and compassion of his allies, George W Bush and John Howard, whose respective records in the face of natural disaster and refugee crises are tolerably well known.

Downing Street said that the Reverend's visit was "'the right time' to repair relations" with Indonesia. Relations have apparently suffered since Britain's ally Suharto was deposed in 1998; or possibly our arms trade with the country has fallen off a little since we sold them the wherewithal to kill several thousand Timorese around the time of the vote on independence. Nowadays, the country is "not only committed to democracy but also to clean up corruption and put in place a proper judicial system"; but in return for favourable business links I'm sure Downing Street can forgive it for that.

His reverence also encountered "five moderate Islamic leaders" who seem to have a discomfiting number of opinions in common with the ex-Ba'athist, extremist Iranian meddlers currently despoiling Iraq: they "urged him to withdraw British troops from Iraq and talk to the recently elected Hamas government in Palestine". It's a good thing the moderates in Iraq are more moderate than that, otherwise the place could really be in trouble. Still, the Reverend agrees that "there's no more important issue than to bring peace between Israel and Palestine" and has promised to try and do his best. Given his successes over Iraq, Afghanistan, Africa, poverty, counter-terrorism and global warming, this is certainly encouraging.

The Reverend suffered a few high-schoolers to come unto him and gain the benefit of his moral guidance. He informed them that "people of different faiths can live together in harmony and peace", so long as those of the inferior faith do as they're told. Displaying a healthy grasp of the relationship between primate and poodle, one student referred to George W Bush as the Reverend's "best friend" and asked whether the doggie would use his plaintive brown eyes and wagging tail to persuade his master to stop the war in Iraq. His reverence replied that "there is a process now in Iraq for the people to vote their government in", at least for parts of Baghdad. He added that "whatever we thought about the original decision to remove Saddam", it was all a long time ago, we should draw a line under it and "work with the United Nations and other countries to make sure people have the same rights as the people in the UK and you have here." Some day, the whole world will be run like Britain and Indonesia. There's a vision worth fighting for.

Asked how he would feel if he were an Iraqi civilian whose relatives had been collaterally detrimented, the Reverend stressed the importance of understanding the other fellow's point of view (in this case, presumably, that of the bomber crews and the white phosphorous fans). He also mentioned, again, that people in Iraq and Afghanistan can vote nowadays; as Muslims, the students were perhaps in need of a little extra emphasis on this point. His reverence also noted that he did not share the students' view of America, and advocated building "a bridge of understanding between the West and the Muslim world", so that, even when disagreements arose, for example about thousands of people killed over fictitious weapons, "we never distrust or hate each other."

There isn't a bereaved Iraqi civilian who would say different. Not a moderate one, anyway.