The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

News 2020

Iran remarks condemned

The US Commander-in-Chief has condemned the Iranian government-in-exile for making "disingenuous and disreasonable demands" while claiming to want peace.

The Iranians said last week that America must "renounce violence" before what they called "constructive negotiations" could proceed as to the future of the region's future.

Speaking from his radiation-proof pulpit in the Oval Bunker, the Commander-in-Chief said that the Iranian remarks were "an insult to all Americans who have been detrimentalised for the freedomisation of others".

However, experts on the Arab world have been puzzling over the possible meaning of the Iranians' remarks. According to some, it is possible that the Iranians may find it difficult to comprehend the difference between "violence" and pre-emptive humanitarian intervention because of inherent limitations in their language.

A similar difficulty arises in the case of "torture" versus maximally assertive info-extraction techniques excluding death or massive organ damage.

The British Foreign Secretary said today that he hoped the Iranians had been "tactless rather than malicious", and reiterated that the peace process between Persian-occupied Iran and the Necessary International Communitisation Enforcement (NICE) personnel in Tehran would continue.

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