Civilian Dies in Iraq

You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs; and now, regrettably, the struggle for Iraqi freedom has claimed the life of a civilian. The civilian was working, as a civilian, for "a US-based military operation", which presumably makes him an "occupying noncombatant", or something of the sort. The civilian belonged to the British paratroop regiment for nine years, and "served", or in Oldspeak, participated in the ongoing crime of international aggression, in Iraq. The civilian left the paratroop regiment at the end of last year, but continued to work in Iraq, as a civilian, apparently for the US military. The civilian's mother said that he felt safer working as a civilian. This is hardly surprising. Wearing a British military uniform in Iraq can get you mistaken for a foreign invader.

Despite the reluctance of the forces of freedom to do body counts, the following facts about the civilian have all been faithfully recorded by the Press Association: the civilian's name, his age, the day of his death, the names of his parents, their declaration of pride in their son, the name of the civilian's girlfriend, the length of his assocation with his girlfriend, the region where the civilian lived, the length of his family's residence in the region, the name of the school the civilian attended, and the nature of the civilian's initial vocational training before joining the paratroopers.

The civilian was killed by an explosive. No terrorists are thought to have been taken out in the incident, which was not a case of collateral damage.