The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

News 2020

Rendition prevention deliveration verification deliberation

The Minister for Deliverance from Evil, Bartram Flapper, today delivered his report on preventive rendition of potential terrorists and the effectivity of outsourcing enhanced info-extraction procedures.

Mr Flapper defended the Government's record, saying that over fifty major terrorist incidents had been prevented in the past month thanks to renditional techniques.

In an unexpected downturn of the anti-nastiness economy, only 327 terrorist incidents had been prevented so far this year, the Minister said.

But he added that "this must be set against the remarkable figure of over two thousand renderings during almost the same period, making an average of at least one prevention for every 6.116 renditions."

The leader of the opposition, Boris Johnson, ridiculed the Government's figures, calling them "a Stakhanovite fabrication of fantasy anti-terror marketeering" and claiming that prevention of "rucksacks on public transport" had been given the same status as prevention of major atrocities.

Mr Flapper accused the NuConLib Alliance leader of "playing politics with prevention" and suggested that stress had temporarily rendered Mr Johnson's Britishness levels dangerously low.

"Even as I speak, terrorist atrocities are being prevented and various North African police forces are exercising humanitarian restraint owing to the British government's insistence on justice, fair play and human rights," the Minister said.

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