The Satanic Supplement

Christian,n. Anyone who sees their own moral code embodied in the preachings of an ancient Palestinian religious fundamentalist of no reliably attested existence. Said preachings have included, at various times and for various sects: non-resistance to enemies; persecution of nonbelievers; failing to keep the Sabbath; forcibly enforcing the Sabbath; absolute communism; free-market capitalism; defying earthly kings; bowing down to earthly kings; self-abasement; self-torture; self-aggrandisement; anti-semitism; resistance to anti-semitism; and the eternal damnation of all atheists, agnostics, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, pagans and any stray Christians whose doctrine may happen to diverge from the true one.

Diamond,n. An expensive arrangement of carbon molecules.

Emergency,n. A constitutional convenience, created or exacerbated by a politician in order to justify to an uncomprehending public a necessary arrogation of power by the said politician.

Irritation,n. A feeling occasioned by the tactless showing of starving children on the lunchtime news.

Oil,n. A substance extracted from beneath troubled lands, to be poured onto troubled waters and into the troubled air.

Prison,n. Tabloids' remedy for any form of behaviour which does not merit capital punishment. A place where criminals are sent so that they can associate intimately and educationally with other criminals, at the taxpayer's expense, often for a period of years.

Retropod,adj. Equipped, like certain birds, with one or more backward-facing toes. In more colloquial usage, having entire feet screwed on the wrong way.
"Some poet - his iambics are all retropod."
Bopsle Dribb

Skull,n. Container for grey matter, such as cobwebs.

Vote,n. In the electoral market-place, a receipt given to successive shopkeepers by the consumer, indicating the willingness of the latter to be swindled by the former.