News 2020
Modified organism not a weapon, says US
The US Commander-in-Chief has condemned "with maximal strengthification" the allegations of an Italian film crew that American peacekeeping forces used a "biological weapon" during recent cancer excision manoeuvres in Iraq.
The alleged use of the alleged weapon is alleged to have taken place during Operation Avuncular Advisement, when almost 25,000 insurgents, including 17,529 prominent al-Qaeda lieutenants, were made safe for democracy.
"In the first place, it wasn't a biological weapon; in the second place, it wouldn't have been illegal if it was; and in the third place, even if it was illegal America does what's right," said the Commander-in-Chief.
Speaking from the White House press bunker, the Commander-in-Chief said that use of the genetically modified bubonic plague bacillus alleged by the Italian film crew would have been "entirely permissifiable under US patent laws."
The modifications to the organism, designed to make it more humane and to streamline its market potential, meant that it was no longer strictly biological, but rather "a product of American engineering," the Commander-in-Chief said.
He then told appreciative reporters a joke about an Italian tank with one forward gear and "a severality" of reverse gears.
The British Prime Minister condemned the film crew, which was made up solely of Italians, for "abuse of free speech" and mentioned the historical fact of Italy's changing sides during the First World War.
"I think all British persons will know what Winston Churchill, one of the world's greatest Britons and a personal hero to British people like myself, would have thought about that," he said.
Britain and the British people would "stand shoulder to shoulder with the American eagle until the locust of terrorism has been utterly disembowelled by the dove of peace," the Prime Minister said.
The US Commander-in-Chief has condemned "with maximal strengthification" the allegations of an Italian film crew that American peacekeeping forces used a "biological weapon" during recent cancer excision manoeuvres in Iraq.
The alleged use of the alleged weapon is alleged to have taken place during Operation Avuncular Advisement, when almost 25,000 insurgents, including 17,529 prominent al-Qaeda lieutenants, were made safe for democracy.
"In the first place, it wasn't a biological weapon; in the second place, it wouldn't have been illegal if it was; and in the third place, even if it was illegal America does what's right," said the Commander-in-Chief.
Speaking from the White House press bunker, the Commander-in-Chief said that use of the genetically modified bubonic plague bacillus alleged by the Italian film crew would have been "entirely permissifiable under US patent laws."
The modifications to the organism, designed to make it more humane and to streamline its market potential, meant that it was no longer strictly biological, but rather "a product of American engineering," the Commander-in-Chief said.
He then told appreciative reporters a joke about an Italian tank with one forward gear and "a severality" of reverse gears.
The British Prime Minister condemned the film crew, which was made up solely of Italians, for "abuse of free speech" and mentioned the historical fact of Italy's changing sides during the First World War.
"I think all British persons will know what Winston Churchill, one of the world's greatest Britons and a personal hero to British people like myself, would have thought about that," he said.
Britain and the British people would "stand shoulder to shoulder with the American eagle until the locust of terrorism has been utterly disembowelled by the dove of peace," the Prime Minister said.
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