Beatable Britain

A leather whip is to be displayed at the Museum of London for the first time since its excavation fifteen years ago. The utensil has multiple thongs and was found on a thousand-year-old rubbish dump off Cheapside in London.

Archaeologists have had a hard time explaining its presence, as the wave of unauthorised immigrants known as the Norman Conquest had not yet adulterated the Britishness of the city's inhabitants. This is presumably why tentative explanations such as sexual sadism or religious fanaticism have been rejected by experts.

The museum's curator now believes the whip was probably used for disciplining slaves. This seems fairly convincing; few things are more British than corporal punishment, although many of us have yet to attain the civilised attitude of Gore Vidal that it is best practised between consenting adults.