The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Monday, October 03, 2005

The Satanic Supplement

Bask,v.i. To relax smugly, as in an atmosphere of acute envy.

Covetous,adj. Unduly disapproving of the wealth of a televangelist.

Gongle,n. Someone who peers benignly from a great and lanky height.
I think of God as someone very tall and ascetic, a little absent-minded for all his omnipotence; in short, a kind of eternal gongle, though probably without spectacles.
Scumblie Blopwit


History,n. Victorious propaganda. The source of those lessons which must be learned in the present so that the mistakes of the past may be properly repeated in the future.

Market,n. The hope and basis of civilisation, the regulator of human intercourse, the guarantor of progress and the arbiter of success. The determinant of truth, the wellspring of happiness, the dispenser of justice and the healer of ills. The market empowers, enlightens, enthuses and embraces. It confers choice and enhances freedom. The poor, the weak, the sick, the vulnerable – it can cure society of them all. Verily, the market maketh woodworm shrivel in their holes, stoppeth premature hair loss and draggeth your inner beauty screaming to the surface. There is no trouble the market cannot soothe, no problem it cannot rectify, no evil it cannot overcome. Available at bargain rates from all reputable outlets.

Name,n. The first of many disadvantages with which parents can endow their offspring.

Obscene,adj. Tending to deprave or corrupt anyone not appointed as an official censor.

Printer,n. One of the four main reasons for the non-publication of any given literary work. The other three are the editor, the publisher and the writer.

Serve,v.t.(Politics) To rule.

Violent,adj. Inclined to commit acts of torture, rape, murder and property damage, rather than hiring them done like a civilised human being.

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