The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

News 2020

Top US official indicted

The US Commander-in-Chief today paid tribute to the Assistant Vice-Undercommander, Libby "Chopper" Lewis, who has been indicted for obstruction of covert operations revenge and has resigned her post as a "gesture of innocence".

Ms Lewis is also being charged with two counts of perjury and three counts of conspiring to make the security services look stupid.

The Commander-in-Chief has accepted Ms Lewis' resignation, but heaped praise on her record as four intelligence operatives in dark glasses dragged her by the hair from the Oval Bunker.

"Chopper has worked tirelessly on behalf of the American people and sacrificed much in the service to this country," the Commander-in-Chief said.

As the intelligence operatives broke Ms Lewis' fingers to stop her clinging to the legs of the historically significant Nixon desk, the Commander-in-Chief reminded them that "Each individual is presumed innocent and entitled to due process and a fair trial."

White House experts said that the Commander-in-Chief's words were probably intended to remind the intelligence operatives to remove Ms Lewis from the mainland United States before applying interrogative assertivity measures.

Ms Lewis' arrest in the Oval Bunker was broadcast live across America by Hallibechtel Justice and Redemption Broadcasting Services.

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