The Satanic Supplement

Abstemious,adj. Addicted to the drug of self-righteousness.

Double-glazing,n. Effective means of keeping at bay noise, wind and other symptoms of double-glazing salesmen.

Genre,n. A box for the packaging of entertainment and the imprisonment of art.

Idle,adj. Engaged in activities which will profit only oneself.

Knoffle,v.i. To eat greedily but furtively.
His succession of diets was steadily undermined by a succession of midnight knofflings.
Burple Vook

Libido,n. That which induces delusions of manhood in boys aged thirteen to sixty, and frequently beyond.

Murder,n. Deliberate homicide committed while out of uniform.

Objectivity,n. Subjectivity, seasoned with self-deception and served with assurance.

Retaliation,n. A just and measured reaction to the intolerable provocations of an enemy. Not to be confused with revenge, an act of implacable malevolence committed in the name of a fictitious grievance.
The foreign pages told the lot
About a man who had been shot;
He was a terroristic swine
Seeking revenge for Palestine.

In "Other News", I briefly read
About a child without a head;
A tank had sent the tyke to Hell
For chucking stones at Israel.
Gusper Flockett

Stockbroker,n. Indispensable organism whose function in life consists in the useful business of buying and selling other people's money with other people's money. The business is useful because it ensures a ready supply of other people's money to be used in the buying and selling of other people's money.